?

Log in

welcome to the cruel world

> recent entries
> calendar
> friends
> don't click this
> profile
> previous 20 entries

Tuesday, February 3rd, 2004
6:38 pm - this is sOooOOo long!
Read more...Collapse )

(3 comments | comment on this)

Sunday, February 1st, 2004
12:13 pm - to-tally
Get to know the REAL you by crash_and_burn
Your Name
You Are A:Emo Boy/Girl
Your Favorite Band/SongPink Floyd - Bike
You Like To Read:Teeny-Bopper magazines
You Firmly Believe In:Sex at first sight
Everyone Thinks You Are:A respectable person
You Were Conceived:On the 30-yard line
You Will Marry:The kid next door
Created with quill18's MemeGen 2.0!

(comment on this)

12:03 pm - did you know my sweet, that i once took the liberty of watching you in your sleep?..
interesting things to say:

i like sam. we hung out all weekend. she's more fun when there's less people around though.

we didn't get to mud sled on friday as planned, i'm pretty upset about it.

today i'm not watching the superbowl, i'm chilling with my dog.

i did well on my math test. this is a very big deal for me.

erin comes home on the 12th. 11 DAYS!! sdfk jsklfjsdfjklsdkljf ksdjfkshdfkljsdkl fjsdfkljsdkljfklsdj!

well, i'm spent.

current mood: exhausted

(comment on this)

Monday, January 19th, 2004
5:17 pm - and you give yourself away
i went shopping today with lori and go a sweater and some new slippers. they're baby blue and puffy and fuzzy with pink hearts all over them.

i am very much sad. i talked to lori, though. she mostly said that she was dissapointed that erin didnt make an effort to talk to her or call her or email her after the incident. it bothered me. not that she said that, but that she was dissapointed in erin.

i have mixed feelings about everything lately.

i'm off to search for meaning.

toodooloo.

current mood: sad

(comment on this)

Friday, January 16th, 2004
11:53 pm - erin lOOk!
Which Band Should You Be In? by couplandesque
Your Name
Band NameDashboard Confessional
RoleGuitarist
TrademarkMassive Amounts Of Eyeliner
Love InterestYour Next-Door Neighbour
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

(comment on this)

Monday, January 12th, 2004
6:40 pm - nothing to hide.
i feel.

sorry, i didn't know how to finish

i feel inadequate in almost every way imaginable.

joanna spoke to me today. it was "here's your shit stacey." i was tempted to say "fuck you very much" in return, but i stifled myself. there's a funny picture of erin, jenny, and tahnee that she gave me. i'm not sure why. and i got my nirvana cd back! fucking finally...

oh yeah. and then at lunch, joanna sat in mine and jenn's spot with muffy so we sat there too. it was against a wall so none of us were facing each other, and we were all working on homework. anyways, a few comments here and there between jenn and joanna, something about a senior tripping on a water bottle... i dont know. anyways, since joanna was speaking to jenny, she eventually said "are we just never going to talk about it?" and joanna replied with "i'm not your friend anymore. i don't want you to be my friends."

well, my face started to get hot so i didn't say anything. no need to blow up at her...

but uh, so yeah. joanna said she'd talk to us about it and that shes heard different things from everyone. and i asked why she didnt just ask us, and she said it was because she didnt want to talk to us. then she suddenly yells "you stole money from my mother!!" and i wanted to reply with something along the lines of "oh but if i had to lied to her intentionally like you asked me to, that would have been okay?" but i didnt want to get in defensive mode and make it seem like i really took it. i don't need to defend myself.

joannas dad called michael and michael let him know that jenny and i weren't involve.

JOANNA IS A FUCKING IDIOT.

who makes up a lie about her best friends leaving her behind after flipping her car? what a fucking moron. all to save kevin. dirty, scummy, ugly, worthless kevin.

i hope she gets knocked up.

in any case, she also said something about me thinking about other people and how it "makes them feel" to be stolen from or something, and i lost it. i was just like "HOW DO YOU HAVE THE FUCKING NERVE TO ASK ME TO THINK ABOUT OTHERS? YOU'VE NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE A DAY IN YOUR LIFE, THATS WHY WE'RE IN THIS SITUATION."

anyways, the bell rang.

and i sat there with jenny and cried. jenny wanted to cry too. i've been friends with her for 7 years and have only seen her teary-eyed ONCE. jenny does not cry. and the fact that joanna hurt both of us like that is enough to keep me from missing her.

almost enough. i'm so hurt.

current mood: crushed

(comment on this)

Monday, December 29th, 2003
3:47 pm

just lost a really long entry.

 

i'm going to go break something...

(comment on this)

Wednesday, December 17th, 2003
10:07 pm
so...i'd have to say that the saddest thing about my mom not liking me is that when i sleep, all of my blankets fall off the bed because she doesn't tuck them in for me anymore.

and i wake up all cold. it sucks.

and i go without dinner or lunch.

because my parents don't like me anymore.

but the ultimate question is... who's to blame?

i feel like everyone is shitting all over me at once.

(3 comments | comment on this)

5:15 pm
no one reads this so i've stopped wasting my time.

i'm changing...

(1 comment | comment on this)

Tuesday, December 9th, 2003
8:20 pm
Somewhere in this lonely game of sympathy there is a selfish dream
That makes me sick
Standing on the high wire while you're on the ground
To you what is dangerous is safe and sound...
You let me down

sorry, i don't really have the capacity to write a real entry today...

(comment on this)

6:52 pm
rachel: i think you've had enough to drink
phoebe: i'm just helping the children
rachel: Phoebe, how is you getting drunk going to help the children
phoebe: there will be less for the little children

(comment on this)

Sunday, December 7th, 2003
11:57 am
hmm. let's see. brother is home. i hadnt seen him in like 2 yrs so when i walked in i was like oh wow.

umm...

i really really hate the way things are.

bye

(comment on this)

Saturday, December 6th, 2003
2:07 pm
oh. fuck.

(5 comments | comment on this)

Wednesday, December 3rd, 2003
5:12 pm - awww
my song:

The early morning sunrise
just lying here
I feel shaky from missing you
I can almost feel you
Wrapped around my arms
Soaking in through my skin

chorus:
Pressed cheek to cheek
I need you my sweets
to hold tight and to squeeze
so I can tell you I love you
Late at night

I'm sorry I gave up
and walked away
forgive me I was confused
by losing you, I lost myself
Please forgive me
You are everything I need

Pressed cheek to cheek
I need you my sweets
to hold in my arms
so I can tell you I love you
again and again

I know I probably
lost what i cannot get back
but by losing you
it has made me realize
how much I appreciate who you are
and how much I have been missing you

Pressed cheek, to cheek
I need you, my sweets
to kiss you on the cheek
so I can tell you I love you
and that i miss you

I know I have changed
but heart still belongs
to you
I regret everything wrong
I have done wrong to you
I am still here for you
my sweets

Pressed cheek, to cheek
I need you my sweets
to tell you I love and
to hold you and not to let go
I miss you sweets

lol. my little lyrical genius...

(comment on this)

Tuesday, December 2nd, 2003
8:18 pm
hello to the beautiful people.

my weekend spent with erin was nothing less than blissful. it was absolutely wonderful. i cannot tell you how comforting it is to be held by someone that you care for as much as i care for him. the moment we were together we were back to being erin and stace. when i am with him, i am at home. he gives me a sort of satisfaction and contentment that i cannot find anywhere else. he's my other half. my positively charged ion. my teddy bear.

fights ensued with the maternal unit wednesday about whether or not i would be allowed to stay at my dad's for the night so i could surprise erin at the airport. i lost and was picked up wednesday afternoon by my mother. spent the rest of wednesday moping around the house and crying, but i went to bed early so it was okay. thursday, thanksgiving, was pleasant aside from a few upsetting (yet productive and satisfying) arguments. family came over, cousin was nice because she didn't have any stinky friends around, and food was satisfactory.

friday morning my daddy picked me up at 9. we drove straight to erins and i was there about 9:30. i knocked on his front door and his mommy opened it and said he wasn't awake yet, so i snuck into his room and jumped on top of him.

i cannot tell you how much it filled my heart to open his door and to see him curled up and sleeping. i jumped on him and without even opening his eyes, he smiled and just squeezed me. he just layed there with his eyes closed and hugged me for a while. it was the sweetest thing. then he eventually opened his eyes and said "my stace..."

dkfj sojdf kljdklfhsd ljkhsdjf dsfjvd. what an awesome feeling.

he made me breakfast and we played all day. we watched french movies in subtitles and went to sausilito to get coffee and went to the beach to play on the teeter-totter and snuggled and kissed and ran around all happy. then we went out to dinner with lots of his friends and i got to sit next to a lesbian.

saturday, we finished a french movie (we got distracted friday night), ate food with his family, and played at rob's house with alllll of his friends. he was sooo happy being with all of them, it was wonderful to see him so giddy. it was kinda boring for me, but hey. eriness=always good.

sunday he came over and was sitting on my bed when i walked out of the shower. sexy. we wrestled and hugged and played for a couple of hours. then we went to his house to eat, played some more, and i went to the airport with him and his parents. we were there really early so we got drinks and talked and such. i love being around him. he skips with me and laughs at my jokes and handles me like porcelain.

oooh yeah...and sunday was our 1 year anniversary. unofficially, of course, because we haven't technically been TOGETHER these past few months, but we counted it anyways because of the way we love eachother.
i remember november 30th of last year. it was our first actual date together and the first time he ever kissed me. before he kissed me then, we had never so much as held hands or really touched each other...but with that one kiss everything changed and hasn't been the same since. after that, our hands just seemed to melt together everytime they made contact with one another. it was pure craziness. if close my eyes i can remember the feeling of him grabbing my waste, looking me in the eye and kissing me for the first time. we had been playing games for years and i never thought that we'd actually be together.

and now look where we are.
dangerously crazy about each other and so far away.

but it'll be okay.
cuz he comes home again in a week and a half.

hmm..today was the longest day of my life.

yesterday was long, too. and rainy. i hate school.

tomorrow will be a lot of the same.

but i have an erin who wrote me another song and for that i will get out of bed tomorrow.

current mood: grateful

(comment on this)

Thursday, November 27th, 2003
1:18 pm
jesus fucking christ.

miracles do happen...

i just talked to my brother, justin. the one who's been in jail for 10 months.

he was sitting at his grandparent's dinner table eating thanksgiving dinner with his family...
he got out late last night.

oh my god...

current mood: shocked

(comment on this)

Monday, November 24th, 2003
5:57 pm - happy birthday DADDY...
um yes not much to say except that i'm refusing to do any school work today or tomorrow because it's a 2 day week and i don't have any tests.

now for some...stuff

entrancing
You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves
your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling
he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss
that never lessens and always blows your
partner away like the first time.


What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

black
Your soul is bound to the Black Rose: The
Wicked.

"I am the wicked specemin of sin with no
profound logic to believe in. Hold me tight,
but don't hold me close, I go where I
desire."


The Black Rose is associated with manipulation,
control, and virtuosity. It is governed by the
goddess Psyche and its sign is The Tapestry, or
Crafted Love.

As a Black Rose, you may have a slight wicked
streak running through you. But whether you
are naughty or nice is up for debate. You know
how to get what you want and can work people
for what they're worth. You have great people
skills, but can sometimes be a bit of a control
freak.


What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
brought to you by Quizilla

trippy

(comment on this)

Saturday, November 22nd, 2003
9:09 am
erin in 4 days

dslkfa c9423 akjsdkf jsjkfdl2kq34j45kj4l befkljgek j64kjxfkrej5kj43k 43j5 fkjkdskjf4 kfjkfjw 4i5c kfjskdj!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

current mood: ecstatic

(comment on this)

9:03 am
aaack! my cough is discusting. nastay. and im all stuffy and i cant talk very well and certain words wont come out and stuff. darn darn darn...

aside from that, last night was strange. ryan flaked on me so i ended up doing...nothing. or something. im not sure what you would call it. i mean i hung out with lots of different people but i dunno if you would really call it a productive night. its better than sitting at home, though. i'm at tahnee's right now. gooo tahnee.

she's sleeping. she has this HUGE bear thats like bigger than me and she cuddles with it when she sleeps. its so funny. last night she's all, "yeah this is my boyfriend. we SPOON." it was funny. guess you had to be there.

good times though.

tonight i'm...
i'm not sure what i'm doing. my dad's birthday is tomorrow, though. goo's home from school and apparently the reason he hasn't talked to me since he left for school is because he thinks i stole money from him like 3-4 months ago...........?!
interesting stuff. considering him and lori never said a WORD about it to me, they just talked shit behind my back.

some kind of family we got there.

oh, and my mom's going crazy again. looks like i'll have to stay with my dad for a little while.

dunno, yo.
im just fed up. so i'ma STAND UP. cuz you don't matter. and i do.

(comment on this)

Thursday, November 20th, 2003
10:43 pm - i found him!! HE'S BAAAACK!
Sublym1010 [10:19 PM]: I want to be with stace so bad
Smile4You789 [10:19 PM]: she knows
Smile4You789 [10:19 PM]: stop though
Smile4You789 [10:19 PM]: you're breaking her heart!
Sublym1010 [10:20 PM]: im sorry stacey
Smile4You789 [10:20 PM]: youre not forgiven
Smile4You789 [10:20 PM]: hehe
Sublym1010 [10:21 PM]: it hurts me just as much if not more
Smile4You789 [10:21 PM]: more?
Smile4You789 [10:21 PM]: oh how so
Sublym1010 [10:22 PM]: yes i cant even explain how much you are apart of me
Sublym1010 [10:23 PM]: i just cant stop dreaming, thinking, and feeling the presence of you

Sublym1010 [10:27 PM]: hey guess what i had a dream last night of us... we were walking on stinson beach, i think late at night, and we sat down on a rock. you were behind me and i remember turning around and kissing you on the nose, i woke up all happy.
Smile4You789 [10:27 PM]: aw. that happened.

Smile4You789: i gotta go to bed, sorry erinness
Sublym1010 [10:47 PM]: ok POOH, its ok, sweet dreams my sweet, i cant wait to see you next week so i can touch my stace-ums again
Smile4You789 [10:48 PM]: hehe
Smile4You789 [10:48 PM]: i know!!
Sublym1010 [10:48 PM]: night night
Smile4You789 [10:48 PM]: nighty night
Sublym1010 [10:48 PM]: bye I LOVE YOU
Smile4You789 [10:48 PM]: i love you tooo
Smile4You789 [10:51 PM]: <3
Auto response from Sublym1010 [10:51 PM]: There is not a river wide
Not a mountain high
And neither sin nor evil
Could change how I feel inside
Could change how I feel inside
Not all the strength of the ocean
Not all the heat from the sun, from the sun
Though others have tried, I just can't deny
For me you are the one
For me you are the one
But true love is priceless
For true love we pay a price
But there's nothing can keep me from loving you
Not fire, nor, not ice
Not fire, nor, not ice
now the river may grow wider
The mountains may reach past the sky
But wether or not you feel the same
My love shall never die
My love shall never die
But true love is give and take
True love is sacrifice
But there's nothing can keep me from loving you
Not fire, nor, not ice


jeeeeeesus im in trouble. he's got me hooked and im going crazy missing him.

(comment on this)

> previous 20 entries
> top of page
LiveJournal.com